As you’ve all surely noticed the last few weeks, the prices of the products in the café have increased. During these times of high inflation, there is unfortunately not much we can do, but we do understand that your wallets may be hurting and that home-made lunch box seems more and more worth the effort. The consequence of this, however, is that the café is no longer selling as well as it used to, so in order to keep to our budget and minimize unnecessary food waste, we’ve had to take a few drastic measures. I thereby want to inform you that the following changes will be made:
1) All fish will be locally produced: Since the price of Norwegian salmon has hiked, it will be replaced by fish that has been caught as close to the math building as possible, namely in sjön Sjön!
2) Tahini will be exchanged with peanut butter: If you notice that the hummus sandwich tastes a little different, that is because we’ve replaced one of the hummus' most fundamental constituent parts, the tahini, with a cheaper, but texture-wise comparable alternative. We hope that the new peanut hummus will be an exciting and unique flavor experience!
3) Bell pepper sold separately: Have you bought a bell pepper recently? It costs more than a chicken ffs. If you want bell pepper on your sandwich, you can buy it for 2 kr/slice. The slices will also be precision cut with an industrial laser to ensure a maximum thickness of 3mm.
4) Price discrimination with respect to program: Since the average salary of a person with a degree in engineering physics is higher than other programs, we will offer a discount to all π- and nanoscience students shopping in the café!
5) We’re removing the holes from the bagels: Since the hole in the bagel accounts for nearly 40% of the production cost, we will replace them with a bread whose shape has a lower topological genus.
6) Golden tickets: During this semester, we will place five golden tickets in five randomly selected Hilbert sandwiches. The five lucky persons who get a ticket in their sandwich will get the chance to visit my sandwich factory, where you can see behind the scenes of how your favorite Hilbert sandwich is made. You only get one opportunity like this in your life!
7) Relocation of the entire café: Since the majority of our customers are medical students, we’ve decided to tap into this far more profitable market by moving the entire café to BMC. Do you still want a Hilbert sandwich without having to cross Tornavägen? No problem! At the last guild assembly we introduced a new position, the snack mule, who handles orders and deliveries. Thanks to this new position, you are now able to have a freshly made sandwich delivered straight to you via mule! And not only that, the first 100 people to use the code APRIL1 will get the delivery for free! Your sandwich will arrive in 3-5 business days.
We hope that you will understand the necessity of these changes, and that Hilbert café can rely on your continued patronage.
The Heads of the Café